Ajumma Day

Ajumma is a Korean word that means old, married woman. For women who aren't married, it is an insult. In a way, it means a woman who is spoken for or generally lacks vitality. While many men call their wives ajumma, it isn't really considered a polite term if you aren't certain the subject is married. They usually wear visors and have short, curly perms. They travel in packs of short and squat fury. Ajummas have certain rights that come with their age.

First of all, an ajumma has the innate right to scream and curse at anyone who walks by them or behaves in a way they don't personally consider acceptable. They have the right to crowd the sidewalk with their buckets of herbs and leaves and sit and gossip. What a 50- or 60-year-old woman would have to gossip about I don't know, but I have on occasion heard them talk about me as I pass. I've actually heard them mention the name of my school, which is a little surprising.

Today I saw an ajumma riding her pink bike up the street. She was wearing a visor and had a short, black, curly perm as ajummas are wont to do. She was wearing a matching pink shirt that said, "Even Jesus Hates You" in big black letters across the front. I required a double take, then I grabbed for my phone. It was too funny to miss an opportunity for a picture. I chased her down and saw the back of her shirt. It repeated the slogan, "Even Jesus Hates You", and showed a picture of long-haired Jesus giving the one finger salute. I couldn't stop laughing.

Later, I met a retired English teacher near my house. He told me he was 70, which means he was born in 1942. We bought some beer and went to the park together. He introduced me to his girlfriend and then told me he was married. We talked for a while and he asked me what I thought about his girlfriend, I said she appeared young (about 50 or 55 would be my guess) and was attractive for her age. He told me she was too fat. When we finished our beers, she walked away. He told me we would meet again and gave me his "name card" and asked for mine. I heard the sound of a hose or a spigot. I was curious, so I looked around. Finally, the ajumma returned from behind the solitary bush in the park, pulling up her pants. I couldn't decide whether I was more shocked or disgusted. Nope, disgusted. Apparently, the rights of ajummas have no limits. Apparently, they also lack all dignity or self-respect. What do you expect from decades-old, loveless marriage.

Anyway, WOW. These old bags are crazy!