A Weekend with the Koreans

This weekend I had the privilege of spending time with Kim Jong-il (김정일). Jong-il is my trainer at the gym. We had worked out together a few times and I helped him with his running form. He helped me communicate with the other workers at the fitness center and I helped him refresh his English skills. The first night we went out together and ate in Hongdae. We ate at an excellent Korean fusion restaurant. I wish I remembered the name, but I do remember the location and I will certainly return. Afterwards, we went to the M2 club. Since the crowd was mostly angsty teens, we met up with Courtney Foss's brother, Chris, and headed to some foreign bars. He was out with some coworkers, both of whom were very drunk. We browsed through a couple of bars, but I wasn't enjoying most of the crowds. At one of the bars we met what Chris' coworker called "the Julian Assange of Korea." At the end of the night Jong-il and I ended of at Big Mama's bar, where we met up with his girlfriend, Iji. His girlfriend was very nice, but did not speak English at all. She drove us home at the end of the night, which I really appreciated. The next day, I was feeling pretty awful, but Jong-il called and told me to come to the fitness center. He had ordered some chumukbap and had an extra one for me. Iji was there and we used Google translate to talk to each other while Jong-il worked. She said she wanted to take me to see Seoul Tower and "make good memories of Korea." She also said we should go out to eat before. We ate at a really nice restaurant on the seventh floor of a building in Gimpo. It was nice because we could see Geomdan very well. We left and drove to the Seoul Tower, but it was closed by the time we got up to it. It was very unfortunate, but I truly appreciate the gesture. I am glad to have met some Koreans to spend time with, because this seems like something few foreign teachers do. It is a great opportunity.

Words Can Not Express

The way that I feel right now is unbearable. I feel so horrible. It has been a very, very long time since I've felt this way. My hands were shaking; my lips were trembling; my heart was beating incredibly fast; a

nd I could feel my emotions on my face. It is difficult to explain the emotion. I am boiling with rage, but I feel very much like I want to cry. If anyone recalls a name for it, I would appreciate it.

In class, my students were talking -- as they often do -- and I asked them to open their books. Every day, I waste about 3 minutes attempting to get students to open their books. After telling the class to open their books, I usually have to go around and tell multiple students personally to open their books. The process is aggrivating and indicative of a lack of respect. I had to tell Yujin to open her book personally. She was engaged -- as usual -- in a conversation with Plore

ce. I then asked her to stop talking, and as soon as I turned around, she started talking again. Then I asked her to change seats. She refused. Then I grabbed her and, repeatedly urging come on, I told her to move. She refused, and, recognizing that I was becoming peeved, I took a few steps back and gave her the ultimatum. She had a choice between moving to another seat or leaving the classroom. In her silence I found disdain, and pulled her from her chair and out the room. She put up quite a fight physically, which was traumatic for me, but in order to garner respect, I had to follow through. As she was leaving, I decided to go talk to her, but when I stepped out of the classroom, she was running out the front door of the school bawling. Brian asked me if I was angry and I said yes and apologized. I don't know why I apologized, it slipped from my mouth. I wanted to apologize again, but my mind took control of my body and emotions so I didn't. I continued class, but I was shaking and I couldn't focus. After class, Anne teacher told me "Yujin cried a lot."

I feel horrible and I can't shake this feeling. I have lost my appetite but my stomach is growling. I can't complete my phone teaching because I can't get my mind off of Yujin. Even though my logic is telling me I did the right thing, my emotions are screaming Asshole and I am filled with shame.

While the magnitude is unprecedented, this feeling is quite common for me. I frequently feel and behave this way. I made an example of her -- I do this often. My thinking is clear to me. You know what you should do. Your selfishness and pride are not masked by a confusion of morals, but blatant disrespect for others. How can you possibly convince someone to put others before themselves? I know I did not earn and do not deserve this feeling, but that doesn't prevent me from having it.